forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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