I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
