I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
