i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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