my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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