I cut my penus on the lid.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
