I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
