ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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