His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
where are my eyebrows?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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