Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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