So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
