So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
