Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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