girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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