Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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