just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I did not marry a roomba.
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