I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize