So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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