I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
