Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
