you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
