Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
