yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
