She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize