You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
