Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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