oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
