No, you can still breathe under the balls.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
