I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
