she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
