I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
