I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize