Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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