i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize