So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
