i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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