My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
