Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
