what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
