At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
