i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize