ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
