I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
