I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
