Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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