i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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