Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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