U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we made out on top of his cat.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
