I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
