i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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