either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can I color on your dick again?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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