dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
