i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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