Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
