You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
