i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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