So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
