apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
