i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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