last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
