When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
