sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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