grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
