I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
porn star boner night. come get it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
