I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
