hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
