I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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