Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
