just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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