I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
