Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
