She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
