Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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