Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
