well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
