We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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