fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
