Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
