I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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